It is so easy to villainize, or even demonize, your ex-spouse, your spouse’s ex-spouse or your ex-spouse’s new spouse. The feelings are normal. We are all human. We don’t like everyone. Often the history of our relationship with our ex and our ex’s spouse is so complex and painful that it is virtually impossible to see that person as anyone other than the enemy. You are entitled to feel the way you feel. However, you must understand that if you do feel this way, effective co-parenting is going to be very difficult for you. No matter what, verbalizing your ill will regarding this person in the presence of the child is not okay under any circumstance and defies the basic premise of co-parenting.

As a family law attorney, divorced mother of one, married stepmother of one and mother of whom I will lovingly call the “linking child” (i.e. the child of a second marriage where one or both spouses have children from a prior marriage), I have first hand knowledge about the trials and tribulations of co-parenting. If you have never heard the term “co-parent” then you are new to the world of divorce, blended families and dual households. A “co-parent” is most commonly used to describe a situation where, following divorce or separation, the child’s parents seek to, (or are forced to) maintain dual responsibility for the child’s upbringing. The principle behind co-parenting is that a child has the right to maintain a stable relationship with both parents, even if they are separated or divorced, unless there is a recognized need to separate him/her from one or both parents. The situations and scenarios presented by co-parenting are vast. The complications and disappointments are many. To do it well it takes hard work, commitment and the ability to put the child’s needs above your own. Through this Blog I will try to offer practical advice on the many issues presented by co-parenting from the standpoints of a biological parent, a stepparent and the law in general.

-Jessica Anderson
Family Law Attorney, Parent and Stepparent